A Chinese proverb is said: “A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.” It was when two girls, an unlikely pair living different cultures. Tao and Abigail met in ballet class and became instant friends, for a lasting mark was left while their two worlds collided out of turmoil.
Tao and Nai Nai timidly entered the dance studio. Vivaldi’s Springtime echoed through the ballet class as the rays of light reflected off the mirrors while the sun set over the San Francisco Bay. Abigail’s attention broke through the glow of light and the rows of mini ballerinas balancing at the barre. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of a tiny figure no bigger than a sneeze in pink and black. Tao stood in the doorway with her Grandmother respectfully waiting. Abigail broke the line as she often did and boldly took Tao’s hand and led her to the spot next to hers.
“Hi, my name is Abigail, but my friends call me Abby.”
“I’m Tao.”
The rest of the class moved to their marked spots of yellow and white-shaped circles reserved for each dancer. In her pixie voice, the dance teacher, a petit French exchange student Mademoiselle Simone, instructed the class, “Bonjour, mesdames.” “Let us begin with first position, third position, demi-plie, sauté, and return to first position.” The music circled every graceful movement while the disciplined and elevated ballet veterans followed Mademoiselle Simone’s directions without hesitation. Abby’s impetuous spirit and short attention span spontaneously chassé toward Tao; they took each other’s hands and brightly jumped in their pink tutus, black tights, and tippy toes ballet slippers with confidence yet unaware of their disruption. Mademoiselle Simone clapped her hands as to give them a warning. The hands on the clock that hung above the mirrors seem to have moved quickly with every position. When the girls came back to first position, Mademoiselle Simon clapped her hands again to discuss their upcoming recital next month. Abby and Tao sat next to each other and giggled with excitement.
But Tao said to Abby, “I have a lot to do to catch up before the recital.”
Abby said, “I will help you. We can practice at my house.”
Tao said, “Oh, thank you, it would be with most appreciation.”
Before they knew it, the class was over. The girls packed their bags along with their ballerina teddy bear while putting their sweaters and coats on, for the winter wind from the westerly’s blew an icy chill across the bay. The glow of the day faded into a dark shadowy mist as the clouds were quickly rolling in. Only to leave a sliver of sunrays now peeking through, making a stairway for Guardian Angels to come down from Heaven.
Tao (meaning a symbol of long life) was quiet and shy, pale as bone china, her cheeks pink of cherry blossoms, long black hair of silk, spun by ancient Chinese silkworms. Like the budding sprout that grew, she grew towards independence from family expectations. Tao would often run through the house, chase the dog, and reject the teachings to harness the forces of “Chi.”
Her father would say, “Everything has a harmonic tone. Your primary focus is to have compassion, kindness, modesty, and humility. To avoid shame upon the family, you must develop restraint through your Chi and preserve the uncarved block.” This was a great challenge for Tao, for her spirit was green and unsettled like the water reeds with many layers along the river.
Abigail had a kind spirit, for she was her Grandfather’s joy. Brilliant and beautiful, eyes of blue-grey with flecks of gold, brown hair like burlap coarse and strong, with a face plain that was quickly forgotten. She was empathically sensitive to her surroundings and other people’s feelings. Her emotions often got away from her, as tears welled up in her eyes by something that stirred her heart. Abigail’s Mama believed in raising her free from little girl stereotypes by embracing her plain features. She was taller, and her weight scaled a bit larger for most young girls of nine.
Meanwhile, she loved ballet, reading Fancy Nancy books, and playing baseball with the neighborhood boys. Abby would show up wearing colorful beaded bracelets of purple, green, and red and a plastic tiara with enormous jewels, the kind you would find at the 99¢ store. It didn’t matter; the boys liked Abby. She was always a good sport and played great at second base with a sharp eye and strong arm. At times the other girls in her ballet class would tease Abby because she played with the boys.
Mama would tell her, “You can be and do whatever you want. You are a strong, beautiful young girl. You can play baseball with the boys and be a ballerina, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
Abby smiled, “Okay, Mama, I’ll be strong like you.”
According to the Chinese calendar, it was the year of the rat. The Lunar New Year was expected to bestow wishes of good fortune, for the celebration was thought to be the largest party of the year. Tao invited Abby home to help prepare for the festival. Abby quickly turned to Papa with excitement with a look of would be okay? He agreed while helping put on her sweater. Tao noticed some numbers on his arm and whispered to Abby, “what is that on your Grandfather’s arm?” Abby told Tao her Papa lived in a Jewish camp when he was a little boy.
Abby whispered to Tao, “Papa lost his whole family in Poland. When Papa, his parents, and his two older brothers were riding on the train from Nonno and Bubbe’s farm. Men in uniform stopped it at an empty train station. He said he was so scared he cried while watching the men pull off all the Jewish people. Papa said some of the people were killed right next to the train. The grown-ups stood in the snow while the men took everyone’s suitcases and threw them in a pile, and forced to wait for another train to arrive. The boys and girls were piled into one truck. They were so squished, Papa said he felt another boy’s heart beating against his chest. He said it stinked of manure and blood like his Nonno and Bubbe’s barn. He tried to see out of a knothole and found a couple of fingernails stuck in the wooden walls of the truck. Papa never saw his parents again after that. His two brothers, Daniel and Elijah, were beaten and starved, and they died too. I think Papa said he was only six. He doesn’t like to talk about it too much, but he wanted me to know what it means to forgive and to have tolerance for people who are different.”
Tao bonded quickly with Abby. As they left the dance studio, they waved bye to the other girls and started to walk home. Tao began to tell Abby what happened to her Nai Nai, “Her family were farmers and lived 300 kilometers outside of Chongqing during the war. Nai Nai lost her little sister Ming. I think she said Ming was three. It was when Nai Nai accidentally let go of Ming’s hand while running from the bombing of her village. The Japanese Army destroyed their village and killed so many people and her sister. Nai Nai never forgot; her heart is always in mourning. She is always quoting me Chinese proverbs like, ‘A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.’ I guess her heart no longer sings. One must have something to sing about; it is very hard for Nai Nai to find it with so much sorrow.”
While the girls walked home, it began to rain. Abby loved rainy days; she liked to watch the rain droplets shimmer in the light. Everyone on the street quickly opened their umbrellas like a salute to each other as they hurried to take cover. Tao continued to tell Abby about her family. Of how they had left their home and everything they had known from Wuhan, China, to live in San Francisco.
Tao said, “Wuhan is a beautiful city of brick buildings, with doors and windows peeking out from under tiled roofs with cornered eves curling like dragon’s talons towards the sky. My father was a doctor in China. The people in our city accused him of working for the lab that released a dragon that took many lives with her breath of black fire.”
Abby said, “How did that happen?”
Tao answered, “I don’t know. Dragons are supposed to bring good luck.”
Although both girls came from different cultures, Abby was Jewish, Tao was Chinese. Both families experienced life with much loss and hate within their own countries. Neither family felt embraced by the American promise, ‘the land of the free.’
Abby and Tao lived in the duplex next to each other. Although the Qin family moved in a few weeks ago, they kept to themselves. Since the Qin family moved to San Francisco, they lived with the constant xenophobic remarks, the same hatred Nai Nai felt when displaced from her village during the war. After living next to each other for several weeks. It was not until today the girls met in Madam Visage’s dance studio for the first time and became instant friends.
Abby and Tao kept chattering like little chicks scratching in the garden for grain.
Tao said, “I like to read Harry Potter….”
“Me too! Papa and me are reading The Sorcerer’s Stone.”
The girls found they both like to read. Tao played piano, and someday she wanted to play in an orchestra and travel around the world. Abby would draw and write stories. She was always quiet in her room, writing about animals and wishes, pink clouds, and flying slippers taking her to waterfalls and islands with Indians and Mermaids.
Tao said, “I would love to hear your stories. When you come over later, I will tell you about our Chinese Fables like ‘The Dragon Slayer, Sakyamuni and Lao-Tse and Kwan-Yin, the Goddess of Mercy.’ Tao continued talking of mythical creatures, the dragon slayer that would conquer them, and about the philosopher Lao-Tse who found a life of enlightenment through Taoism. “Taoism is what our family believes.”
Abby said, “We’re Jewish; we just celebrated Hanukkah.”
Soon after they arrived home, Abby could not wait for the rain to stop. So, she quickly ran across the backyard through every mud puddle to Tao’s backdoor. Dr. Qin glared at Abby’s muddy rainboots and drenched clothes as he let her in.
Mr. Qin sneered and asked, “And who is this, Tao?”
Tao answered, “This is Abby. We are in dance class together.”
Tao took Abby by the hand, held her finger to her mouth, “Shhh. Here is a towel to dry off, and please take your boots off in the house.”
Both girls quietly joined Nai Nai in her room while sitting in an oversized puffy azure blue and jade chair. Nai Nai is working on the ancient tradition of paper cutting. She would cut small folds of red paper trimmed in gold while tiny pieces floated down to the ground like snowflakes in the great mountains of China. Nai Nai was cutting two redfish joined by their top fins. She said, “they will bring abundance and prosperity for the New Year.” She continued, “According to Chinese tradition, today was a day of Spring cleaning to sweep away all bad luck from the year before. For it is during the celebration of the Spring Festival where nature is reawakened.”
Abby said, “My family celebrates Tu BiShvat.”
Tao said, “What is that?”
“It’s kind of like your spring festival. We celebrate the new year by planting a tree in honor and memory of our loved ones.”
Mrs. Qin entered the room to say, “It is during the festival of the first moon where we must have everything prepared. Tao and Nai Nai love to decorate the house with auspicious red paper lanterns, flowers, and couplets with gold details giving lasting blessings.” The aroma from the kitchen filled the room. Mrs. Qin turned and left the room as quickly as she entered to get back to her cooking.
The kitchen is filled with steaming pots and pans. At the same time, Tao’s Momi cooked an enormous feast of “Jiaozi” dumplings, “Tangyuan” sweet rice balls, whole fish, longevity noodles, tangerines, and oranges with lots of other sweets. Tao called out, “Momī, can Abby come with us to the parade tomorrow?”
Mrs. Qin re-entered Nai Nai’s room, “Yes, we would be most honored to have your friend join us. Abby, it would be with great joy to have your family join us tomorrow. We will be setting out in the morning.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Qin; I will ask Papa to take me. Mama has to work at the hospital.”
“Is your mother a nurse or doctor at the hospital?”
Abby replied, “She’s a nurse where all the new babies are born.”
“This is a noble position to hold. We will see you and your Grandfather.”
Abby left for home, running through the muddy backyard again, this time trying to avoid the puddles. The house was warm with the smell of beef stew with a hint of black licorice. This was Papa’s favorite meal on cold and rainy days. The fireplace made the room glow of amber with flickers of blue and red shadows dancing on the walls. Abby sat with Papa and told him all about Nai Nai and the stories she told about the Lunar New Year and the beautiful decorations they were hanging around the house. It would be hours before bedtime, so Abby sat next to Papa curled up on the sofa, and he picked up where they left off and continued to read ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.’ Abby thought of Tao at home reading Harry Potter in her room too.
The following day the girls flew out of their doors into the backyard, so excited to join in the New Year celebrations. Nai Nai, Papa, and the girls walked through the busyness of Chinatown, with the fragrance of plum trees and cherry blossoms. The aroma reminded Nai Nai of the cherry blossom trees in the center of Shanghai during the festivals she visited as a young girl. There were many stands along the main street with couplets of lucky blessings and traditional spring festival foods. Nai Nai stopped to speak with old friends in traditional Cantonese; she ordered sweet rice balls for the girls. Tao’s favorite is with honey. Its glaze of gold reflected the morning sun with the taste of pure golden butterscotch, leaving it resonate of burnt sugar in her mouth. The girls found a lucky spot just as the parade began to start. There were Lion dancers, acrobats, along with gongs and drummers, as this was to chase off bad luck. The Lion dancers’ costumes were so beautiful; they were decorated with colorful silk of red and green. His head was large and exaggerated with poms poms that danced with shimmering gold. He opened his huge mouth, fringe that looked like the lion’s mane blowing in the wind when he shook his head, and his eyes sparkled with fluttering eyelashes that blinked. The dragon dancers showed off their talent, with men holding bamboo underneath, giving the imagined movements of the spirit floating on a river.
Tao said, “We believed the Shenlong dragon is the most auspicious mythical creature. It is said he could walk on land with four legs, fly with wings so strong that they controlled the wind and rainfall, and could swim in the sea with the power to control the waves of the oceans. The dragon has the scales of the lucky fish and the body of a serpent.”
Nai Nai also explained, “That anyone who touches the golden dragon for they will be blessed with good fortune and prosperity.”
Tao and Abby were mesmerized by everything they had seen and overwhelmed with the loud firecrackers popping to ward off evil spirits when the parade ended. The crowds moved about back to their homes and continued feasting and celebration. Tao and Abby giggled, chattered about the parade, the colors, Nai Nai’s friends, and the yummy sticky rice balls. Before they knew it, they reached their backyard. The girls heard the wind and were surrounded by the ringing of wind chimes hanging from Papa’s peach tree. Tired from the day, the girls left each other to return home but still planned to meet later and revisit the festival, for the Lunar New Year is a week-long holiday.
Day One – The next day, Tao was telling Abby more stories of mythical creatures and Chinese Fables of the white tiger that was the ruler of the West. “The tiger is regarded to be most intelligent like the dragon, phoenix, and the tortoise.” As Tao continues with her stories, Abby notices Tao does not look like she felt good. Abby asked Tao, “are you okay?” Tao smiled and, in a soft, weak voice, “I’m not feeling good,” and started to cough.
Day Two – Abby played in the backyard the next day and saw Nai Nai come out to sweep the back porch. Abby asked how Tao was feeling, and Nai Nai only shook her head and went back into the house. Abby was confused why she was not allowed to see Tao. Papa saw Abby sitting on the porch and asked her, “take a walk with me to the store.” While exiting through the backyard, the dried brown leaves crunched beneath them with each step.
Papa said, “It won’t be long before we see new peach blossoms.”
Abby shook her head and said, “I really don’t like peaches; the outside fuzz feels like I’m licking a cat.”
“What? Peaches are good for you, especially the outside. The fuzz will grow hair on your chest.”
“No, it won’t… Papa, you’re silly! When Tao gets better, can we help you pick the peaches?”
Papa looked at her and said, “Let’s hurry and get back; it looks like it will rain again.”
Abby said, “Papa, why do we have to wear these masks?” As they walked to the store.
Papa said, “Just keep it on, Abby. Everyone has to for now. Stay close to me and don’t wander or talk to anyone.”
“I won’t, but why are you so scared?”
By now, everyone was afraid. No one would talk to each other and kept their distance. At the local market, Abby overheard on the TV. “A dragon released from Wuhan, approximately 60 people dead more than 60 million have been confirmed sick. The dragon is headed to San Francisco.”
Abby looked up at Papa and said, “Is this the dragon Dr. Qin let go?”
Papa said, “I don’t know. Let’s get home.”
Day Three – Abby and Papa stayed indoors along with the rest of the neighborhood for fear of the black dragon. People were so angry and scared. Tao was still too sick to play, so Abby stayed in her room alone. She could hear the TV in the other room and Mama talking with Papa about how many people were coming into the hospital with a cough and high fever like Taos. Mama left for the hospital. Abby heard a mob of people in front of the duplex screaming and yelling at the Qins to go home. They were not wanted here.
Dr. Qin was walking home. Two men pushed him to the ground and began beating him, yelling to go home, go back to China. Abby saw the men kicking Dr. Qin and cried for Papa.
“Papa! Dr. Qin is getting beat up!”
Papa ran out with a baseball bat and chased the mob off. Still, one of them knocked down an older Chinese man walking with a walker and his groceries while hitting his head on the sidewalk. Dr. Qin got up to help Papa carry the older man to the porch. Dr. Qin yelled, “Call 911.”
Abby ran out of the house and said, “I did – I did… I called 911.”
Mrs. Qin came out with a bowl of warm water and a washrag. Abby could not believe what was happening. The men were mean and ugly; she asked Dr. and Mrs. Qin, “How do you forgive people like that and the awful things they said. Why…”
Mrs. Qin explained, “It is easier to build fear than to build a wall. It is fear which keeps people isolated. When fear grows, we lose our ability for tolerance; for this reason, we become controlled by fear. A Chinese proverb is said, ‘If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” Abby thought about what Mrs. Qin said, and then she could hear the sirens coming down the street. The paramedics pulled up, helped Dr. Qin with the older man. Abby ran back to the house and waited for Papa to return. When Papa walked in, barely through the doorway. Abby grasped onto him, buried her face into his little potbelly, and cried. The sun had set, and rain began to fall with the weight of sadness while the ambulance took the older man away. Dr. and Mrs. Qin entered the warmth of their house where Nai Nai was tending to Tao, her cough had worsened, and it was harder to breathe.
Day Four – The following day, the ground was wet from a night’s shower. The chill gave Abby goosebumps through her pink sweater. She was ready for ballet class, wearing her black tights and yellow rain boots and waiting for Papa to walk to the dance studio with her. It had been four days since Abby had seen her friend. Abby saw Dr. Qin as she ran over to him; she asked, “Is Tao better? Will she come to ballet class today?”
Dr. Qin lowered his head, fractured by the silence. He said, “We discovered Tao had died in the night. The dragon was waiting in her doorway.” Abby gave him a glazed look, her face scrunched while shaking her head, “What?” She asked, “was this dragon….” she stopped and broke, crying without catching a breath. The two stood there on the porch, the wind was blowing with an angry but sad moan, Papa’s wind chimes aphonic pain swallowed by the shadow of suffering.
Dr. Qin cried, his face planted in his hands, “I did not know how to stop it.” Abby, already afraid by the daily reports she overheard from the news with the many people who have died from the cruel dragon sweeping her black breath that created a pandemic.
The walls of Abigail’s heart were now of paper and inconsolable for the loss of her friend. Papa asked if he could help. Dr. Qin said, “There is nothing; our hearts are heavy with grief. We were told we could not give her a traditional Chinese funeral with 7 days of prayer. This will bring bad luck to Tao’s eternal state of enlightenment.” Joy had scattered for a thousand miles of sorrow. Dr. Mrs. Qin and Nai Nai have stepped into a long journey to which grief is left upon their hearts.
Both families gathered for a small ceremony in the backyard. Dr. and Mrs. Qin, Nai Nai, and Abigail sprinkled some of Tao’s ashes around the peach tree. Papa planted a cherry blossom tree shortly after the Tao’s passing…
Papa said, “the cherry blossom tree is in honor of Tao, and when spring comes, both families will have two blessings of beauty and good fruit.”
Dr. Qin said, “Thank you, Papa. It gives us great honor to have such friends.” He turns to Abby and says, “Tao has left an imprint upon your heart, Abby. It is within the echo’s you will hear her voice telling you the stories of our culture, Chinese fables, and mythical creatures. Tao will always be a part of you.”
Abby said, “Four days, Tao is gone in four days.”
Nai Nai said, “Although there is such sorrow, there is joy. It is where both of our families, who do not come from such different paths, where we embrace each other’s culture. It is when we celebrate and share our traditions, we will find peace and a life towards enlightenment.”
Abby said to Dr. Qin and Nai Nai, “I understand. Tao was my only real friend – I loved her, how…” – with a deep gasp, Abby cried and buried her head in Papa’s belly. Overcome by the silence, Abby felt she would never have a friend again.
A year has now dissolved since the day of Tao’s passing. We all embrace the New Year with so many changes from a country in chaos. The world is rebuilding from so much loss, isolation, anxiety, and depression. Chinese Lunar New Year, we are now in the year of the Ox. Abby returns from ballet class in her pink sweater, black tights, and yellow rain boots. She sits on a bench next to the peach and cherry blossom trees. The chill of the winter breeze across the San Francisco bay blowing a melody of poems through the wind chimes, singing ding – ding, ding – ding, ding – ding, above the echo of Vivaldi’s cello d major coming from Papa’s bedroom window. Abby sits writing in her journal the color of lucky red with cherry blossoms on each page in the bottom right-hand corner, a gift from Mrs. Qin for her birthday last year. Abby writes – It is in the memory of what we have endured this past year that I will continue to tell the story of two friends who loved unconditionally and shared their differences by embracing each other. The healing of loss, tolerance of others, and forgiveness are the lessons learned. There is no judgment when it comes to love, and a shared heart leaves a lasting imprint.
Four Days
Four Days is a story inspired by a friendship between my daughter-in-law and her friend Michael. Unfortunately, we lost Michael during COVID and he passed four days later. It was a tragic loss for our family to lose someone so young. No matter how long you have a friendship decades or months their spirit leaves a lasting hold onto our memories.
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JL Valentine 